Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
