I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please, let me fuck your mom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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