I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
