Just cropdusted the office
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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