My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
