wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
