The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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