I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
