we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
