EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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