I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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