i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
