I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
