hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
