FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
