Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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