dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
