i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
