I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize