You're my little dorito
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
