I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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