Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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