just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
