I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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