i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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