The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
