I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
