i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
