New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
