the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
