On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
two words...techno handjob
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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