They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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