Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
