ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
