I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
