Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize