You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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