do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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