I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
