Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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