his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
