WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
