Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
