for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
