Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
