Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
