so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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