..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize