so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
