she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
