you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
