so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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