i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
