I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
