If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
