I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
