I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
