i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
