And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
