Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
