I wannas sexs uuuuu
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
