so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
