I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
