Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
