The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
