It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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