its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
