There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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