i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
