We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
