I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
