btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
