I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize