this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
