so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
