If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
