do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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