I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
