Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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