My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
