How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
