I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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