I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I could fuck to npr.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
