and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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