tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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