I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize