We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
