If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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