dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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