I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
