I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
