he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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