Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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