3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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