you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
