i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
