Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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