I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
