Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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