I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
