Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
